Think before you give life to a sperm!

This is to all couples old and young, planning to have or already titled as Parents. You brought a life into this world, make sure you guide the child, and not impose your ideas. Give freedom of choice and thoughts.

Why do couples decide to have kids across the globe?

1. They are selfish
– For improving Household income
– For support in old age
– Reproduction as solution to their personal/household problems
– Virtually fulfilling their dreams, failures
– Who will inherit my property?

2. They love kids

3. Everybody around is doing that and that’s the custom!

I totally agree with first thought, many who decide to be parents are selfish. Let’s start from bottom of the pyramid, we all would agree that low income households produce kids to have more earning hands for the household; they barely care about the new born and his future life. They aim at improving their worse off condition by adding another labor force but end up being caught in the vicious circle of poverty.
To the educated set who might be reacting as ‘these people are illiterate and produce 5-6 kids, utter stupidity’. My “dear educated” class irrespective of your economic and financial background let me tell you, you are no better… least you have 3 kids, perhaps more in name of having a boy. Anyhow even if you have 2 of them… did you really think or you were just content that one out of the two is a boy or was it everyone around you having 2 children, so you thought let me fit myself in this social set up by having 2 kids too. Actually, the whole subconscious fear arises when middle age people see their old parents/ grandparents and know that in old age you need support of the young and who better would it be than your own blood. Hence, the decision to have kids is taken (you might choose to disagree but this is a play of our subconscious mind). Poor kid does not know that first he will have to accept favors without his will and then return them later as a duty.
Also, we become selfish when our life is not smooth and we are perturbed by our own relationship, a couple might have their personal frustrations, misunderstandings etc. Now, in our Indian set up, where you can’t take a break (not a divorce is necessary for every tiff now and then), but force yourself to live under the same emotionally burdened scenario, you rather decide to have kids which might or might not really abate your miseries. But, for the time being till the kid grows, you find a better purpose to life.

‘I failed in my life in all that I tried, but now I am married and have kids and I will make sure my kids complete my dreams irrespective of what they want.’ Ah! What a pain to have this feeling and the worse is it’s not intentionally done by parents. But, they take that right, the moment their child is born; and start deciding his/her future in line with their aspirations, and create a parallel world for achieving their dreams through them. To think of it I feel sad for both, the parent and the child.

At last, money keeps us all going and gives us some odd power. In our heads, we definitely feel like a king of our own house. So, why would I want to earn a lot of money? And if I did earn or acquired a lot of money from my parents, it is my moral, social responsibility to pass it on to my children (caveat- lest he goes against my principles, will… in short my rule book… else wo bedakhal hai jaydad se). And, of course, so much money can’t be given to someone who is not your own blood (Naval Tata got lucky).

So all those who love kids, let me warn you… kids do grow up with a mind of their own.  They will not be little and cuddly coo teddy for you forever. And as parents you should let them grow and have their own beliefs. Don’t enforce a life style on them.  There is a lot in this world and they should get a chance to explore and live with the freedom of choice.

Those chained by the customs and herd behavior.  Let’s find our motives too. If you want kids, go ahead but give it a thought. Think about it before you let another soul come alive in this beautiful and not so beautiful world.

I love kids (though it’s a short lived feeling); I love the idea of having kids too. I am sure all couples deciding to take the parent way want to have kids and love them too. All parents want the best for their child and want to love them unconditionally. All I want to put across through this article is that give them their right to freedom and choice of thought & belief. You grew up with some beliefs, share those with them, but don’t enforce upon them.

 The mature set of people known as ‘Parents’ kill the innocence in children and burn their wings by giving them shackles of reserved thoughts (of abiding by so called society). Let them fly with open wings. 

P.S. – Don’t let them say or think ‘I was happy as a sperm, better wasted’!

Twitter handle : ctulika


About ctulika

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3 Responses to Think before you give life to a sperm!

  1. Sana Rahman says:

    Your article is definitely worth reading…….it shook me…not because you made me realize the points u have highlighted are true to the core but otherwise. The interpretation of parenthood…i feel was quite demeaning…and underrated. You definitely have the right to opinion though.The generalization of your article is something which needs to be worked upon..
    I was trying to figure out which category I fall in…and I am sure there are parents like me who fall into none. When you do a favour to ur friend…are u expecting anything in return…i guess not.And so when my husband and I work…. is it to satiate our career goals at the cost of our children…. NO….it is for them. I want to give them what they decide for themselves in future, not to secure my future. I want to make sure that when i go back i have time for them not because it makes me happy but it is something they look forward to. I know all my four children (four..yes …a number which doesn’t fit into your dictionary!) are not the same. And I have no expectation of them except being honest to everyone around…..something which we need to make our children know and value. The parents of today were children and teenagers yesterday. And today i am thankful to my parents for bringing me up the way they have whether that was an imposition of rules or liberty or the power of decision making. Your ‘poor kid’ is not accepting favours…its an unconditional love that most of the parents pour…and hello…the ‘poor kid’ in life is settled at the end of his love story…somewhere away from his /her parents and we guys are happy to see them on Skype once in a while. So any favour that a child does to a parent is something he/she is giving back in return without being too eager to do it and mandatory for the parent coz they brought him/her in this life….which they shouldn’t have….considering social pressure or to avert personal tiff!!! The loss of a child is not grieved upon as a loss of investment opportunity and nor does a child celebrate the death of a parent as the end of a dictatorship. Life definitely doesn’t have to be a roller coaster ride but it isn’t a smooth sail either and our children do learn that anyhow in their life…infact, sometimes the love of the parents that goes overboard, gives them even when they have not yet deserved it……and we should learn to be patient there.
    The idea of articulating what I think, is not necessarily something to be agreed upon but i just wanted you to see the other side of the picture as well.

    • ctulika says:

      Thanks Mam for sharing your thoughts. I agree to a lot and I do not doubt the unconditional love parents want to give to their children, just that in the whole process parents don’t realise about their expectations from kids and somewhere it reflects in generation gap and different things as to what parents want for their child and what child wants for him/herself.
      Thanks a lot for sharing your views.

  2. Pingback: A few lucky sperms, who get Unconditional Love ! | ctulika

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