This is to all couples old and young, planning to have or already titled as Parents. You brought a life into this world, make sure you guide the child, and not impose your ideas. Give freedom of choice and thoughts.
Why do couples decide to have kids across the globe?
1. They are selfish
– For improving Household income
– For support in old age
– Reproduction as solution to their personal/household problems
– Virtually fulfilling their dreams, failures
– Who will inherit my property?
2. They love kids
3. Everybody around is doing that and that’s the custom!
I totally agree with first thought, many who decide to be parents are selfish. Let’s start from bottom of the pyramid, we all would agree that low income households produce kids to have more earning hands for the household; they barely care about the new born and his future life. They aim at improving their worse off condition by adding another labor force but end up being caught in the vicious circle of poverty.
To the educated set who might be reacting as ‘these people are illiterate and produce 5-6 kids, utter stupidity’. My “dear educated” class irrespective of your economic and financial background let me tell you, you are no better… least you have 3 kids, perhaps more in name of having a boy. Anyhow even if you have 2 of them… did you really think or you were just content that one out of the two is a boy or was it everyone around you having 2 children, so you thought let me fit myself in this social set up by having 2 kids too. Actually, the whole subconscious fear arises when middle age people see their old parents/ grandparents and know that in old age you need support of the young and who better would it be than your own blood. Hence, the decision to have kids is taken (you might choose to disagree but this is a play of our subconscious mind). Poor kid does not know that first he will have to accept favors without his will and then return them later as a duty.
Also, we become selfish when our life is not smooth and we are perturbed by our own relationship, a couple might have their personal frustrations, misunderstandings etc. Now, in our Indian set up, where you can’t take a break (not a divorce is necessary for every tiff now and then), but force yourself to live under the same emotionally burdened scenario, you rather decide to have kids which might or might not really abate your miseries. But, for the time being till the kid grows, you find a better purpose to life.
‘I failed in my life in all that I tried, but now I am married and have kids and I will make sure my kids complete my dreams irrespective of what they want.’ Ah! What a pain to have this feeling and the worse is it’s not intentionally done by parents. But, they take that right, the moment their child is born; and start deciding his/her future in line with their aspirations, and create a parallel world for achieving their dreams through them. To think of it I feel sad for both, the parent and the child.
At last, money keeps us all going and gives us some odd power. In our heads, we definitely feel like a king of our own house. So, why would I want to earn a lot of money? And if I did earn or acquired a lot of money from my parents, it is my moral, social responsibility to pass it on to my children (caveat- lest he goes against my principles, will… in short my rule book… else wo bedakhal hai jaydad se). And, of course, so much money can’t be given to someone who is not your own blood (Naval Tata got lucky).
So all those who love kids, let me warn you… kids do grow up with a mind of their own. They will not be little and cuddly coo teddy for you forever. And as parents you should let them grow and have their own beliefs. Don’t enforce a life style on them. There is a lot in this world and they should get a chance to explore and live with the freedom of choice.
Those chained by the customs and herd behavior. Let’s find our motives too. If you want kids, go ahead but give it a thought. Think about it before you let another soul come alive in this beautiful and not so beautiful world.
I love kids (though it’s a short lived feeling); I love the idea of having kids too. I am sure all couples deciding to take the parent way want to have kids and love them too. All parents want the best for their child and want to love them unconditionally. All I want to put across through this article is that give them their right to freedom and choice of thought & belief. You grew up with some beliefs, share those with them, but don’t enforce upon them.
The mature set of people known as ‘Parents’ kill the innocence in children and burn their wings by giving them shackles of reserved thoughts (of abiding by so called society). Let them fly with open wings.
P.S. – Don’t let them say or think ‘I was happy as a sperm, better wasted’!
Twitter handle : ctulika